If Not Now, When? Go After What You Want While You’re in Your Prime

There are moments in life when a single line from a song, a conversation, or a memory, stays with you for years.

You know that kind of earworm - the one that loops in your head whether you want it to or not? I’ve had one for nearly 8 years now: the song “There’s a Fine, Fine Line” from the musical, Avenue Q.

Before I talk about it more, you might listen to the song. The next 3 sentences are SPOILERS.

The song’s narrative melody is perfectly paired with the blunt lyrics expressing a woman’s disappointment and anger over her lover’s ambivalence about their relationship.

It culminates in an impassioned declaration that she has no time to waste on him anymore, she’s closing the door for her own sanity, and finally, she belts out the penultimate line,

"YOU GOTTA GO AFTER THE THINGS YOU WANT, WHILE YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR PRIIIIIIIIIME…"

She then closes by repeating the theme with decrescendo, “There’s a fine, fine liiiiiiine… between love, and a waste of time.”

It’s a fine, fine line about time, choice, and when to walk away. Like anything that is very thin, it may not be easy to see, but when it becomes clear, act on it.

This month, I turned 41, which is a prime number, therefore I am in my prime again.

(Side note: I get three chances to be prime in my 40’s, one in my 50’s, two in my 60’s, and three in my 70’s… I’ll stop.)

Hopefully you’re catching my subtext: you can be "in your prime" at many ages.
And to go after the things you want, you can’t waste time on things you don’t want.

This month reminded me again of the realities that parents and relatives aren't getting younger.

Nobody is, but some people have permanently graduated from long flights, some are in and out of hospitals, and some need to stay in a skilled nursing facility rather than at home.

I have a long trip booked for North America to spend time with my parents and relatives.

Recent incidents have reinforced what I was thinking when I declined a headhunter’s invitation earlier this month.

The role resonated with me and could have advanced my career in work I am already doing, but the full-time 45-hour work week with the expectation to be “more available” during peak seasons (with no mention of commensurate compensation) didn’t jive with me.

Here’s why:

• I’d have little time to take care of this coaching enterprise, and I am not ready to stop working with Ph.D.’s and Ph.D. seekers, a highly specialized and under-supported niche.
• My partner and I have family on 3 continents and we love seeing them. Common leave policies for our region don’t work for us, so we make our own.
• It’s a mistake to equate working hours with working value.

That being said, I can’t have everything all at once. Leaving HK for a while means some doors might close, but being in the US for a while means others might open.

I need to work for financial health, but no matter how attractive an offer is, there’s no time to knowingly waste on an arrangement too misaligned with what I fundamentally want.

Because the cost isn’t just time... it’s energy, attention, and the life you could have been living instead.

I do not know how exactly my desires will manifest, but I find it profoundly important to go after the things I want most deeply.

And I hope you find it important to go after what you want and what you love, prime age or not.